Monthly Archives: November 2010

I love my captain.

Hulu Plus is finally on Roku. Am caught up on Modern Family and the Good Guys, now working on Castle. I love you Nathan!

May also be window shopping for new netbook, as mine now has charging issues. I had no idea that it was possible for the power supply connection thingy to get sucked into the laptop body. I have the worst luck with laptops. Perhaps it’s all of the dogs knocking them to the floor on an all-too-regular basis.

Whatever.

Pornoscans and retributive groping.

So I was talking to a Fed friend of mine today, and he confirmed what I had heard about the TSA’s new anti-terror pornoscan: If the PantyBomber walked into the airport today, the pornoscan wouldn’t be able to discern whether his undies were made of C4 or cotton. So why the forced scans and crotch-gropings? Submission. We must submit to the will of Incompentano, and by extension, the One. It’s rather disturbing that our government is openly telling Americans, “Submit, or pay the price.”

Perhaps because I live in SoCal, I’ve talked to a stupid amount of people who say that the outrage of the American people is overblown. Why not just go through the scanner and get it over with? If this incompetent boob who runs DHS could show me some evidence that these scanners are absolutely necessary, I’d be less pissed off. But there are other, less invasive and more effective ways of preventing terrorists from boarding planes with their chonies full of dynamite. The Israelis have been doing this for years, and I kind of think they know what they’re doing. Why not ask them for some advice? It would be hard for our Israel-despising president to stoop so low, but if this is about safety, not pride, then he can suck it up.

I know how Incompetano operates. I watched her strongarm Arizonans while I lived there, and it was maddening. Piestewa Peak, people.

This is unacceptable. It’s not about being seen naked on the pornoscan, it’s about being subjected to a retributive grope for having the audacity to defy the mandates of the State. The pornoscan is unnecessary, but the groping is beyond unacceptable. I’m not ready to live in an America that commands submission from its citizens. Barack Obama hasn’t won yet.

Worth it.

You may not know this about me, but I’m very vegan-friendly. I’ve fallen off the vegetarian/vegan wagon so many times, it’s just sad. Protein is so yummy… Anyway, I have a very dear friend who is the creator of some of the most lush, green, ecofriendly vegan products imaginable. She’s very smart, and she understands how ingredients work together and compliment each other, and she produces some of the most amazing skin/body care products I’ve ever come across. I recently placed my first real order with her, (lavender tea tree moisturizer and lotus balancing oil), and it is literally the best stuff I have ever put on my face. I actually get excited when I think about putting that moisturizer on in the morning. I’m a product whore, but I cannot imagine straying from Strawberry Hedgehog’s skincare line ever again. I’m thinking about doing some serious Christmas shopping there, especially for the more fragrance sensitive people I know. Strawberry Hedgehog offers unscented lotions and scrubs, in addition to some of the most heavenly scents imaginable. The moisturizer I use smells like absolute decadence and feels like butter, but disappears instantly into my skin when I apply it, leaving only softness behind.

If I didn’t know the owner, I’d still be obsessed with her products, but since I do have the pleasure of knowing her, I can tell you that she is one of the most kind-hearted, generous people I’ve ever met. This is her passion, creating cruelty-free products that really work, and she is very good at it. Check out her site and order something for your wife, mother, sister, brother, father — whomever loves pampering themselves and treating their skin with the utmost care.

Mr. HG tells me that my face smells good every time he passes me in the morning, which seems odd, but it’s absolutely true. I’ve even been going without makeup, something I don’t necessarily like to do because I love the ritual of applying it so much. I don’t need it now, however, because of Tracy’s products. I swear by them.

Order before the Christmas rush!

I really can’t stand this guy.

This is your hero, leftards. I know all you tinfoil hat types believe that these allegations are nothing but a sinister smear campaign perpetrated by shadowy forces within the US government, but all signs point to smarmy loser. He’s basically homeless, sleeping on the couches of friends and acquaintances, he’s an incurable narcissist, as well as an arrogant prick. He’s that guy you know who doesn’t really have his shit together, is a nasty drunk, and is always bitterly ranting about how chicks don’t “get him.”

What a hero. He’ll surface in Switzerland next, applying for asylum. He’s being persecuted on account of his determination to keep it real. To talk truth to power. To grope the ladies and force himself on them. Maybe he should work for the TSA.

Don’t forget…

…that Steyn is guest hosting for El Rushbo today and tomorrow. Oh glorious day!

Revolting.

This is absolutely disgusting. These people should be sterilized. If the woman is so keen to “continue her childhood”, then why all of the attempts to get pregnant? Stupid people should not breed. Now this unborn child has to pay for its parents’ simpering lust for instafame.

Revolting creatures.

Seriously.

Dude, I don’t know how these kids haven’t just thrown down and beaten the crap out of someone. If strangers talked about my family the way people have felt justified to say just about any reprehensible thing about Willow Palin’s family, I’d have gotten arrested a long time ago. I think she’s a kid who has every right to be defensive, and even though I know we can’t say that something is “gay” or call someone a “faggot” anymore, she’s just using the language of her peers. People have publicly speculated whether Willow’s little brother was the product of an incestuous relationship between her father and her older sister — I’d say she’s handled herself pretty well.

Of course, the TMZ article contains a poll asking the reader to grade Sarah Palin’s parenting skills, which would never be done if the parent in question weren’t a politically powerful conservative woman. Remember when John Kerry’s daughter wore a transparent dress to some shindig and flashed her tiny boobies to the world? She was hailed by fashionistas and oogled by all you stupid boys. No one questioned John Kerry’s parenting skills for raising such a little tramp.

Willow, I got your back, girl.

No.

You know I’m an animal lover; one of the reasons I like Mark Levin so much is because he is so attached to his animals. True animal people are seldom bad people — well, dog people are rarely bad. Cat people are another story.

I’ve had to put a dog down since I left home at 20, and it was horrible. She needed to be released from this life, but she was family and I loved her. I still love her. My dogs are extremely important to me, important enough that I went to insane lengths to adopt them and bring them home. My favorite dog, Jack, with his wolf-yellow eyes and blue-grey fur, ran away once and I nearly clawed the eyes out of the jackass who tried to steal him. I love my dogs.

All this to say that I could barely read this article; it’s too horrific. It’s painful and wrong and I am so, so sorry for this family — and for Target. What an amazing animal! She got a loving family and a new home as a reward for her wonderful nature, but to have her life ended like this, by some uncaring asshole at an animal shelter, is unfair.

My heart goes out to her family and I hope that jerk gets fired. And kneecapped.

Role model.

The Palins make gorgeous kids, don’t they? I haven’t watched the new TLC special because I don’t have cable, but I just cannot help liking Sarah Palin. She’s real, human. Fierce. She is one tough, smart woman, and she’s got a man who doesn’t mind supporting her and letting her shine. That’s the best kind of man to have, ladies. I hope they keep their marriage strong and fight for the best life possible for their kids.

And Trig is simply the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen.

Sarah’s an inspiration, she truly is.

Promise kept.

Legion sucked.

The above sentence was to be my mini-review in its entirety, but I suppose I owe you all more than that.

Legion was simply lame. It could have been so much more interesting, but the premise itself was fundamentally flawed. Apparently God loses faith in humans and sends his angels to possess and kill everyone in horrific, creepy, demonic ways. And Michael, the archangel himself, defies God’s orders to kill the unborn child who will be the savior of humanity, out of sheer pettiness or whatever. It’s a mess. The plot holes were a mile wide on this one. I can usually overlook blasphemy and messy plotlines if the story is engaging enough and the graphics look great on my 52″ LCD HD, but Legion was just really, really bad. Gabriel’s trumpet was badass, however, but even a badass trumpet does not make up for an empty, disjointed, pointless story.

Michael tells the humans to have faith, but, as I asked Mr. HG, in what? A God who wants to kill you because he’s bored with you? In each other? I mean, having faith in humanity is laughable. We’re a bunch of monkeys with guns, apparently. Have faith in a deviant angel? Well, we’ve been down that road before.

When Michael was giving one of his little speeches about how much more empathetic and faithful he was than the Big Guy, I kept hoping that Peter Stormare’s Satan from the overlooked Constantine would show up and teach him a thing or two about rebellion. I like my angelic rebellion to be interesting and slightly greasy, a fallen angel with style and tongue planted firmly in cheek. None of this emo, “I hate because I love too much” crap.

Ultimately, I think that the writers were trying to convey their utter contempt for “religion” and their belief that the only hope in this world lies in humanity. A sad and lonely concept, that. We muck up everything we touch. Including big budget supernatural action films.

If you must see some good angel/devil action, rent The Prophecy or Constantine, two of my very favorite films of the genre. There’s also Wings of Desire, but that’s not exactly in the same category. I like it, though Faraway, So Close! was a big disappointment.

There. Promise kept.

Whatever.

In junior high and high school, nothing brought me more pleasure than wrestling the remote out of my little sister’s bony fingers and subjecting her to a brand spanking new episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. Her shrieks of protest were like angels singing. I was in love with Patrick Stewart, something that makes Mr. HG dissolve into fits of giggles every time he thinks about it. But what he doesn’t know is that the real reason I even started watching TNG was my crush on Wil Wheaton, a crush that had its roots in my first viewing of the classic Stand By Me. Fast forward a few years, (okay, like, a decade or so), and you’ll see that I’m following Wil Wheaton on Twitter. Because Twitter is awesome like that, and preadolescent crushes still have enormous power.

I realize now that the Star Trek Federation was actually the Alliance, but whatever. Anyway, Wil Wheaton tweeted this link, along with the recommendation that someone give James Frey a good cockpunch. (I agree wholeheartedly and am delighted by the imagery conjured by the phrase.) I cannot believe that jackass Frey gets away with this. He got chewed out by Oprah for Pete’s sake. Who in their right mind would pay him the least bit of attention after that? I na├»vely assumed that when a writer was exposed as a talentless fraud, people just wrote that writer off and consigned him to the dust bin of history. But we live in the age of manufactured celebrity. Talent means nothing in the music business, so it logically follows that it means nothing in the business of writing. It’s a sad, sad time in history, kids.

I am glad I get to follow Mr. Wheaton, whom I’ve adored for longer than I care to admit, (as I am considering lying about my age at this point. 33 is my vanity’s limit, apparently).

So sad.

I haven’t posted my admiration for Pundette in quite awhile. She is a Steynette extraordinaire, and she has a sad, terrifying post up, a collection of stultifying, cringeworthy statements from the Muad’Dib as he blesses Asia with his glowing countenance.

Promise.

I’m going to post a mini-review of Legion, starring Paul Bettany, sometime this weekend. It was a disappointing movie that could have been fantastic. I’m a sucker for angels, especially the fallen ones.

Aren’t we all?

I should vlog my movie watching for all of you who’ve never been privy to the experience. I have no filter when watching movies, which means that every snarky, smart ass comment that pops into my head comes right on out my mouth. People don’t really like watching movies with me anymore, except my friend Jeff, who is even worse than I am.

Years of bad film have made me bitter and sarcastic.

Don’t I know it.

Tell me about it, David.