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Listening to Dennis Prager this morning. He is so deeply intellectual, so thoughtful, and so absolutely invested in the art of thinking, I just wonder why I waste my time elsewhere. Wonderful.

Words fail.

I loved him like he was my own blood. His family, that amazing family, let me love them like they were mine. I´ve got no blood that I know of, save that which came from me, (and that to whom God gave me), and one thing I know is that we make the family we have from those who love us. That´s all that matters. My dad´s dad is gone, leaving one sweet, wonderful memory, and my other grandfather… that´s not for now. But God blessed me with an uncounted number of grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins and friends who have known me from the time I was four years old. They knew me through all of the awful times and bad hair, bad fashion, bad choices, bad boyfriends — they knew me and loved me in a way I don´t deserve. The way family loves you.

Grandpa John was the first person I remember meeting in what would become my large, glorious, extended family at Valley Baptist Church. I had to be but four, and it was hot and bright and everyone was so large. He was as tall as the sky, it seemed, lanky and sunburned in that way that people who work hard outside seem to be. He shook my hand, like I was a grown-up. Like I was just as important as my father, who had come to assist with the shepherding of this small congregation.

And then he was in my life. Always. He´d take my dad fishing, take us all fishing. He and Sunshine would bring catfish to potlucks. Delicious, wonderful, amazing catfish. His son in law became my youth pastor and friend. His granddaughter had the most beautiful smile — like her mother´s, like his — that didn´t just light up the room, it bathed it in light. It dazzled.

And they were all family. After I grew up and moved away, I lost contact, being a normal, selfish young adult. I brought my kids back once or twice, came for funerals and weddings and memorial services. More mourning than celebrating, unfortunately. This last time, mourning an amazing man I´d also known my entire life, my daughter spent a long, lazy afternoon with Grandpa John and Sunshine, listening to catfish stories and just sitting at the feet of these people who were so dear to me.

She cried a bit today when I told her he was gone, and she understands what it means. As we live our lives, we collect memories of those who have gone on before us. I know I´m not the only one whose life has been completely altered by the love of Grandpa John and his brood. I know there are scores of people who were waiting for him, his own family and the family God brought into his life. I´d like to think he´ll take a minute to sit with my oldest, give her a hug. And I can´t get the image of Charis — smiling, waiting — out of my head. He used to have ties with the pictures of his kids, grandkids, and great grandkids printed on them, so proud of his beautiful family. I don´t aim to hijack the sorrow of others, I just loved him. I love them all. Their love is part of who I am, and it always will be.

Words fail. Part of me can´t wait to see all of you again.


Government ain’t good for nothing but to get in a man’s way.

It’s been awhile since I’ve felt like writing, as I cannot seem to read the headlines without feeling an elevation in my blood pressure. It didn’t used to be like this, you know. I used to be somewhat detached though passionate – though perhaps that was on account of my boundless optimism. (Ha ha.) I’m weary of the world at 36, and each year my capacity for hope diminishes. I look at what this administration has wrought and I settle into a resignation that is as deep as it is paralyzing.

History shows us that things do not remain static. Civilizations deteriorate, empires crumble. The center cannot hold, as a wise man once said. Things fall apart. Societies disintegrate and social order erodes. It is inevitable, and it is the way of this fallen world. It’s okay. I’m currently incubating new life – which I am very excited about, actually – and life goes on. The America my son (we’ll know for sure at the end of the month, but we’ve got some confirmation that it’s “probably” a boy) grows up in with his older sister will be very different from the one my sister and I experienced. And it makes me sad. I know I don’t want to raise them in California, I know that much, but the California model will spread across the country, a creeping cancer, insidious and poisonous.

Having lived in California for almost ten years has made me much more of a libertarian than I used to be. Or maybe I’m more of a Browncoat than I used to be. Leave me and mine alone.

Having said all of that, I am trying to be more hopeful. Mark Levin’s Liberty Amendments and Ted Cruz’s recent efforts have given me hope. I want to do more than just keep flyin’, and I’m praying for a sea change in the attitudes of the American public. All we can hope to do is defy the overbearing, brutish and obviously thuggish tactics of an out of control administration and fight like hell for the values and liberty this country was founded on. In whatever capacity presents itself.

Whatever that means.


So about 17% of the government is shut down. Most of the programs and departments included in this shutdown have apparently been handpicked to cause maximum discomfort to the American people. How about we start doing for ourselves? States start managing their respective parks, coordinating their respective Amber Alert systems, making sure essential services are maintained.

We’re not helpless without the government leviathan. We’re better off without it. This is by no means a massive shutdown — I’m still getting my mail, for Pete’s sake. Obama’s mask is slipping, and we need to tell the political class that they can suck it. We’re better off on our own, with a trimmed down central government.

Defy “authority.” This is your country. Take care of it.

Hi there.

I was ready to dismiss this at first blush, my thought being that Obama wasn’t necessarily responsible for the actions of his brother, Malik. But the article contains some pretty uncomfortable evidence, which could explain the president’s odd stance toward the Muslim Brotherhood.

I don’t necessarily the energy or time time dissect this, but the article — as well as Walid Shoebat’s original post — speaks for itself.

Painting with broad brushes.

On Memorial Day weekend, our president gave a flowery, superficially presidential speech about sacrifice and expressed his concern that our soldiers weren’t fully appreciated by the public at large, and yet, in the days previous, he and his defense secretary made sure to remind everyone that our servicemen and women are really nothing more than a government-funded group of sex offenders. Perhaps I’m just paying more attention to it than I was before, but I’ve been hearing a lot about the sexual integrity of the military in the last four or five months.

Oh, and there’s this.

I’m not maintaining that our current military doesn’t have its problems. Hardly. Sex scandals are always tres magnifique, and military sex scandals seem to capture our imagination a bit more, with the power and corruption running deeper and for higher stakes in a somewhat mysterious branch of the governmental bureaucracy. Should it be cleaned up? Yeah. Should we encourage our servicemen and women to practice restraint and decorum, holding them to a higher standard than the undisciplined idiots who are out here, not even living their lives but just bumping into things in the civilian world? Absolutely.

But is a commencement speech at the Naval Academy on Memorial Day weekend the appropriate place to lecture on the subject? It seems… insulting. And inappropriate. And in line with this administration’s ongoing attempt to diminish the reputation of the military in the mind of the civilian. Why respect an organization that apparently sanctions rape and harassment and general nastiness? It should be no secret that this president does not hold our fighting men and women in high regard, even while he is their commander in chief. Chipping away at the respect we civilians have for our soldiers is essential for his ongoing assault against the military. Civilians won’t protest the shrinking of a military they despise and distrust, will they?

Our president is a part of an academic community that sees our military superiority — and by extension, the military itself — as something shameful, something that must be completely done away with. Each and every reminder of its failures, faults and scandals will be used to accomplish this.

We must in turn remember that though there are assholes aplenty in the military, there are thousands of men and women of integrity who do this country proud. There are men and women who live up to and surpass the standards set for them by their predecessors and make this country’s military one of the most decent, restrained, disciplined and humane in history. Of the soldiers, sailors, marines and airmen that I know personally, I can name more than a handful of exemplary human beings. People who impress me with their strength of character and faith. Painting these people with the broad brush of sexual predator would be neither fair nor accurate.

Help for Heroes.

It’s coming.
woolwichThis is Lee Rigby, the soldier run down and hacked to death in Woolwich by savage beasts masquerading as people. He had a wife and son, and a family that loved him. Remember his name, his face.

The West cannot be defeated by military might, so the enemy adapts. They know our weakness — our investment in denial stemming from our cultural relativism — and they are betting we will break under a prolonged assault of truly asymmetrical proportions. We will either change our response to terrorism or we will perish. It’s as simple as that. PM Cameron sounded strong and resolute yesterday in his response to the atrocity. Contrast that with our own president in the wake of Bengazi and the murder of his personal representative in Libya. From a foreign policy standpoint, everything out of Obama’s mouth is a sickening display of weakness and provincialism. It’s embarrassing. It’s depressing.

I think we’re on our own.

As an aside, I thought it particularly relevant that the only people to confront those animals in Woolwich were women. I’m proud of my sex. I’m wondering where the men were, however, and why they would let a soldier die in the street and let their women approach them. It’s troubling.

I can’t sleep for thinking.

So as the days and nights since the marathon bombings have worn on, I’ve thought more and more about hudna, the strategic truce employed by the jihad in order to regroup and lull the enemy into complacency. In the age of political correctness, it is so easy to deny reality. And in the age of the 24 hour news cycle, it is easy to forget what happened 2 days ago.

Truth is often uncomfortable.

I pray this is not the beginning of something larger and more sustained than we’ve ever seen, for I’m not sure I trust the West as a whole to face a threat like that dealt with daily by the Israelis. We are soft and spoiled, and tend to give up easily.

In the local news, an “expert” was claiming that the marathon bombers were nothing more than the “Dylan Klebolds” of Chechnya, and not actual terrorists. On KFI, the LA station we get down here in San Diego, the late night hosts were coming to the conclusion that the youngest bomber was nothing but a follower trying to impress his big brother, and should maybe be looked at in a more lenient light. Or something.

Do we have so much invested in the fantasy of the end of Islamist terrorism that we will so readily dismiss reality? Our stupidity will get us killed. We will “coexist” all the way to the grave. Our society, already decaying, is ripe for collapse if we refuse to look at all the options, even the politically incorrect ones.

I wish I were tired, but I am not at the moment. So I’ll just lay here, waiting. For what? The end?


I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I will end you.

First of all, wtf people? My previous post was rife with typos. You had almost a month to mock me for them, you know.

Secondly, if you believe your government is capable of 9/11 and Boston, why the hell are you still here? Don’t get me wrong; governments are awful things, but if ours is killing its own to push political agendas, we’ve got to end it. That’s armed revolt time, not time to smoke a bowl and watch the Daily Show. Our decline is steep, but we have not reached that point yet.

Not yet.

Though we don’t know who is responsible as of yet, ask Israel how it feels to have carnage visit even the most mundane of activities on a regular basis. Everything is a target, and we will never be able to lock down a country of this size. We may very well be looking at our future.

None of which eases the pain, shock and horror being experienced by those at the marathon. Martin Richard, the same age as my child, waiting for his dad at the finish line, was doing nothing to merit the fate meted out to him by unknown actors. His sister lost her leg. His mother has undergone brain surgery and his father is left to pick up the pieces. Martin’s has been the most visible face, but we’re all victims. Not because we may be inconvenienced by increased “security” measures, but because as death becomes more commonplace in our daily lives, we lose parts of ourselves and become more like shell-shocked survivors of an endless war.

So let’s find the bastards responsible for this and string ‘em up. And let’s string up ever subsequent piece of excrement that decides that their mission is to arbitrarily end the lives of innocents. No public trials for enemy combatants, and if you want to make this country your battlefield, bring it.

Of course, I’m not optimistic that our country has the stomach to endure a prolonged confrontation on our soil, (not that I want it!). If it inhibits their watching of Dancing With the Stars — I know I pick on DWTS incessantly, but it’s so damn stupid — then it is nothing but an inconvenience.

En masse, Americans disappoint me. Fortunately, life has prepared me for disappointment.

Losing battle.

I have exactly no time for pundits — conservative or otherwise — talking popular culture today. What with Rush misinterpreting Beyoncé and Hannity talking Honey Boo Boo,  I feel fit to stroke out. I know, I know — Rush maintains that he was merely repeating a misinterpretation of Beyoncé’s stupid new song as part of his “low information voter outreach” or whatever, but it was so incredibly stupid and annoying, I turned the radio off. I listen to Rush almost everyday, and as much sentimental affinity as I have for him, his pop culture commentary is like listening to your dad attempting to remain culturally relevant. I don’t have to do that, because my dad isn’t worried about appearing “cool,” but you know what I mean.

Why do we do this to ourselves? The only pop culture commentary I can handle from right or left is Mark Steyn’s, and do you know what his secret is? He wears sous and pocket squares and spontaneously breaks or into show tunes and doesn’t give a f*ck if you think he’s cool. But he’s relevant because he pays attention to the undercurrents of culture, not the surface trappings. He knows what it all means without getting bogged down in the pointless particulars. And I’m not trying to turn this into some Steyn asskissing festival, because that ship has sailed; I’m just trying to put into words that nebulous knack for getting pop culture commentary right. Remaining “relevant” isn’t the goal. Interpreting the smoke signals should be.

Now, Rush doesn’t seem to think he’s trying to remain relevant, and perhaps everyone is reading it wrong. I’m not even concerned worth that. It’s the overarching belief on the right in general that we can somehow regain pop culture when we never entered the fight. Winning the culture war was never about making concessions to relativism, it was about standing diem against it, while still exhibiting grace and acceptance, something neither show has done. Multiculturalism and moral relativism are two of the most intolerant, intellectually lazy and oppressive mindsets foisted onto Western culture as a whole. And we have done nothing on the right to counter that. And now that it seems apparent that we have lost the culture war, the right scrambles to water down the core message of conservatism or make fart jokes and talk about Beyoncé, who seems to be a little worried about remaining relevant herself.

It’s not a younger tone or fave we need. Honestly, I’m not sure what we need. I’m of the mind that we have lost, and that we should attempt to make our decline as uncomfortable as possible for its architects. I know that’s an awful place to be, but what hope can you have in a country that elected Obama twice? I mean, Carter only got one term. I think that by opting or of the culture war, conservatism allowed this country to become a place where 35 year olds are still in college, living off the government, having kids occasionally and patting themselves on the back for being so much more tolerant than those racist, homophobic, sexist, anti-intellectual flat earthers on the right. Sadly — almost comically, really — my peers can’t see that they are but the latest standard bearers for a centuries-old philosophy that has brought nothing but death and decline everywhere it has been implemented.

But we — conservatives — gave up on entertainment, art, music, and literature, abandoning the things that historically shape culture without much of a fight. And then we complain about it and offer up feeble,  “Christian rock” caliber alternatives when it becomes apparent that the game is lost.

You don’t regain that kind of ground by “articulating your message” more clearly. We’ve got 40 or 50 years of decline, of the  infantilization of successive generations of potential adults to deal with. Telling them that they’re going to have to start paying for their own condoms and taking responsibility for themselves isn’t going to cut it.

Do you know what to do? Yeah, me either. I’m just planning on holding the architects accountable and making this decline as uncomfortable as possible. That’s really all I know how to do.

Just a reminder…

Writers are terrifically competitive and narcissistic creatures. Don’t ever mistake mutual admiration for friendship. I made that mistake once and won’t do it again. No hard feelings; I’m a writer too.

Anti… whatever.

I don’t know about the wisdom in marketing a dentist with the claim that, “if it can be done in your mouth, [doctor's name] can do it and has been doing it for the last 25 years.” When I listen to this commercial, I don’t want to go to that dentist. I want to go to TJ’s dental corridor before I go to that guy. I don’t really want him doing anything in my mouth.

So I’m listening to AM radio, obviously. I don’t like this guy I’m listening to, but he annoys me the least of the programming that’s on at this time. The topic is CPAC, of course, and however much this guy annoys me, I’m down with his anti-Jeb Bush rant.

All these talking heads are saying what I’ve been saying for a long time now, which is not to build myself up into something I’m not, but to do a print version of the “I told you so” dance. The GOP establishment has conceded the argument to the Left for so long, and so completely, I’m not sure they can accept that Republicans outside of the Beltway are anything but inbred rubes that believe the earth is flat and Obama is the antichrist. They accepted the Left’s caricature because people like Jeb and apparently the editorial staff of National Review have believed it all along. How can you expect NRO to think differently when you need to have a college degree to be a receptionist? A degree means you’re smart, correct? There’s no way anyone could know how to answer phones or take messages or organize office supplies without their Art History degree. (I am referring to a job paying the HQ had posted a few years ago. Apparently, people like me who ain’t got no money cain’t be trusted with them fancy phones off theirs. Or near the talent.)

I again reiterate my disgust with any and all “establishments,” those lazy, decadent, self-important boobs that seem to cropup at the end of a civilization. I’m not anti-intellectual, I’m anti-establishment. I’m anti-reductionist however subtle my betters think they are being.

But ultimately, I’m against wasting my time spring into the void, which is essentially what I am doing at this point.

That’s just petty and stupid.

Forgive me for not paying attention to CPAC; I’m so burnt out on politics in general, I decided not to give a crap about a conservative PAC that invited Donald Trump to be a keynote speaker. I hadn’t realized, however, that GOProud was not invited. I don’t know why this surprises me, but it does. I’m sorry, but I’m more concerned about the thousands of illegal alien felons released by Barry in order to make us all pay for the sequester he proposed than the fact that some conservatives are gay and want to talk about it at a conservative event. Honestly, from the GOProud people I’ve talked to, it’s not about being gay and conservative, it’s about being conservative and not hiding that one is gay. I think there’s a big difference between the two.

Now, I’ve got no feelings one way or the other about Chris Christie. I don’t really care about Chris Christie, but if the organizers thinks Donald Trump is CPAC material, Chris Christie sure as hell is. I think the snub is petty and stupid, but people this deeply involved in politics are petty and stupid as a rule. The GOProud snub bothers me on a much deeper level. I’ve got gay friends that are terrified to go to church, even though they really want to — not because they’re afraid that God will smite them or that they won’t “be able” to be gay anymore, but because they can’t handle being rejected one more time by people they actually have a lot in common with. I see the same kind of thing with gay conservatives and the GOP proper. But these kids at GOProud, they’re just going for it, pushing in where they aren’t “wanted” because they share the same political values as the rest of us “normals.” (Come on, you know full well you aren’t normal. Ain’t no body normal.) I’d much rather have a true constitutional conservative who happens to be gay on my side than Donald Trump. Or John McCain, for that matter.

Liberals treat people like stereotypes; we shouldn’t do the same. You don’t have to like homosexuality or gay marriage to be decent to a conservative who happens to be gay. Because, regardless of what you may hear, gay conservatives are not part of some big gay conspiracy to pervert us, the last bastions of normalcy or something.

Whatever. Don’t take any of this to mean that I’m some relativist RINO squish like the NRO kids have turned out to be. (Jeb Bush? Really?) I just don’t think that anyone should be excluded from the conservative movement based on something as private as sexual orientation.

The fat got me.

I love how we’re all victims of fatness now. I saw in the news that there was a study done to find out why lesbians are disproportionately “afflicted” by the “obesity epidemic” while gay males are disproportionately unafflictedFirst of all, why does it matter? And secondly, the way the social engineers modify our popular vernacular is eerie.

How can being fat be an epidemic? It isn’t a disease. It isn’t contagious. We can’t be the victims of everything.

Honestly, our culture is wearing me out. There are so many, many things wrong with everything that I can’t possibly be expected to run my house and the critters in it and catalog the malignant and tragic absurdity that is this modern life at the same time. But I want to. And that is my great sorrow and burden.

This entire stupid world will be the death of me.